My Mother-in-Law is a religious watcher of the Doctors. She's always telling us some miracle that she heard on the show. Every single time I've turned the show on, I've watched them remove a mole or a skin tag. ICK!! I don't even try any more. I figure if I miss something important, MIL will let me know.
The other day, they were talking about Essure. It's a new, permanent birth control procedure that you can have done in your doctor's office. MIL kept referring to it as "Sure," but I saw a commercial tonight about it, and it is indeed called Essure.
I spent a lot of time on their website, reading all about it. It really does sound like a good option if you know your family is complete.
Here's the thing: How do you know your family is complete?
I have always had horrible pregnancies. Horrible. I go into labor early, and spend months on bed rest. I almost lost Jace because of a knot in his cord. Lucy had a 2 vessel cord that could have caused serious problems, and I almost died after giving birth to Parker. As much as I hate pregnancy, the end result and holding that sweet baby in my arms makes me forget how horrible the previous 9 months were.
The thought of never having another baby again scares me to death. Why is that?
I know there are lots of other ways to grow our family. Gene and I have talked at length about bringing in a foster child after we're able to build a larger house. (The shack we're in now can't even hold the 7 of us. To bring another child into this would be irresponsible. I get that.)
But why is the thought of permanent birth control so scary? I adore my kids. I am so thankful for each one of them - even if they were unplanned. They're truly the best surprises I ever could have asked for. I should feel blessed and be ok with not having any more babies, right? Is it possible to get to that point?
I know a lot of ladies that have a few kids and KNOW that they're done. They don't question it, and they do something to permanently make sure they'll never have another baby.
How do I get to that point? Can I? What about you all? Do you know your family is complete? Have you (or your husband) had a procedure done to make sure it's permanent?
Give it to me straight. I want to know if I can get to that point!
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Angie - I had an Essure done. It was a hard decision, but I am older (42) and we had a lot of complications at the beginning of my last pregnancy. I am surprised we did not miscarry due to the stress. I have 4 beautiful healthy children and I am thankful for them. My husband was ready after our second child was born for our family to be complete but he was excited at the pregnancy that we later lost and thrilled when we did have our third and fourth children. I love being a mom but have realized that this is now the time for me to watch our children grow and to help them become who they are meant to be. It is a tough decision. I think I knew during my last pregnancy that it would be my last. But I am happy with my choice. I can tell you it was easy, only minor discomfort and a follow up radiology procedure to make sure it worked.
We had planned on having two children and got a delightful bonus baby after we moved to West Virginia. I had my tubes tied after I gave birth to Carly. I recall the doctor asking me after he delivered Carly via C-section, "Are you sre about this?" and I hesitated, but Steve was like, "Yes! We're done!" Still, there's something so exquisite about a newborn...I believe had Steve and I met and married earlier in our lives, we would have had more kids... Good luck with your decision!
I struggle with the same decision. I swear I think about it atleast once an hour. After we had our 3rd, all I could do was dream about a 4th. But I tend to be a worrier and I am never sure if we should go for it or not.
Right now the economy is making the decision for us. But I am really looking for a sign from God.
Pray about it!
Ang, I wish I could answer your question. Here I am in horrible pain at the end of my pregnancy and still hate the idea of permanently ending our ability to have children. We tried to do a vasectomy once before but just couldn't go through with it...then Emma was on her way. We know there's no way we can bring another child into this house but I can't stand the idea of say we CAN'T have more children.
Ugh, Angie. The question I wish would just go away. I am so extremely ambivalent about having #2. One day, I am sure I am done and the next day, I want another one. I kept telling myself that I wished the decision would be made for me, either with an unplanned pregnancy or with being told that I can't. I have the Mirena IUD, which is good for 5 years and completely fool proof. Why don't you get that? It's the only birth control that will work when you completely forget about it. And, it's completely reversible with a trip to the doc. I get to have mine until my birthday in 2012, so I often tell myself just not to worry about it and make the decision then. It's a hard one, though that's for sure.
I KNOW our family is not complete, so we have not done any permanent birth control. I also have heard other mamas who say they know when their family is complete, somehow they just feel it. My mom had 4 or us, but didn't quite feel done. Six years after my youngest brother, my sister came along. Then she knew her family was done. If you're not completely sure, maybe you could hold off on anything permanent. It would be awful someday to not feel quite complete, but not be able to have any more kids if you ever decided to. There might be other forms of long-term birth control that you could try for a while until you know for sure one way or the other. Mirena? Heard about that one. Might be worth looking at.
I am done. I really can't explain it. When my hubby and I started talking about kids even before we got married I said I wanted 3. At first it didn't seem like we would even be able to have kids, then finally after a year of trying I got pregnant only to miscarry 6 weeks in. A friend told me that it was God telling me that yes I was able to have kids, but that was not the time. Another year later I finally got pregnant with my daughter. After my son was born my hubby said he was done, I still said I wanted 1 more. We planned on waiting until my son was in school before trying again, but last Feb we were surprised! Financially we weren't ready, but I truly believe that Maddie may have saved my life. I don't know that I feel comfortable doing something permanent, but I know I'm done.
Angie,
You and I are kindred spirits.
I do NOT know what it is like to have that done feeling. I promised my husband at 4 I would be done...then I begged for 5 and I am STILL NOT sure if I am done!
Perhaps the Lord decides:)
Annmarie
Honestly, sometimes I wish I could have that feeling...NO MORE SAVING THINGS:)
AND THEN I SAY...JUST 1 MORE! PLEASE!
Well, I come from a completely different world on this, so I'm not sure I'm the one to answer. Permanent sterilization is against my Catholic faith, as is artificial birth control. People see this as crazy and irresponsible, but it is based on the bible and the long history and doctrine of the Church. That being said, the Church is not unsympathetic. Natural Family Planning is permissible in certain serious situations, and a couple can consult a priest for counsel. In fact, in some cases, that would probably be the most responsible thing to do. Yours would surely be one of those situations, for example.
So for me, I guess my family won't be "complete" until God says it is. That may be now with the 4 we have, it may be after 1 or 2 more, I don't know. (Things aren't looking too good for the home team at this point.) People think that no birth control means someone will have at least 10 or 12 kids and that's not necessarily true. I know couples that have anywhere from 1 to 12 children. I may or may not be done at 4, but I almost certainly won't end up with 10 or 12. I live with the belief that God takes care of that part.
Either way, it's a biological desire that doesn't let go of us easily, that's for sure. Some days I feel more at peace if this is all I will have and others I cannot imagine not having at least one more. I think over time it will become easier. It has to. But I think that will be easier for me if I feel that God is making that decision instead of me. After all, what do I know? ;) So that's where I'm personally coming from on that.
That said, if you feel the least bit unsure, my advice would be to wait to do anything permanent. Once you go down that road, you can't really go back, and you don't know what life will be for your family even 5 years from now. You and Gene are both still young. You just never know what God has in store for you! And, really, does the decision have to be made right now?
My own personal opinion is that if you even "think" that you are not sure then its not the right decision. We have NEVER EVER used Birth control of any kind....never plan to, its a personal choice with also religious reasons. The older I get and as our family has continued to grow I truley believe that if its meant to be its meant to be. After Also having Fertility and pregnancy complications I know each one is a TRUE gift and I'am happy to welcome what we are blessed with. I have heard of so many women say they "wish" they did not do permanent sterilization and regret their decisions....but how many women say " I wish I had never had another child ". I could go on and on about why not to make things permanent...and all the benefits of having a large or "mega" family ....but dont want to make this a novel.
Bottom line is YOU need to do what is best for you. Listen to your heart!!!!
I'm surprised someone else suggested Mirena to you. I've heard a lot of women villify Mirena (Personally, I believe, because it is so fool proof and so accurate and they secretly want another one). Why don't you ask your doctor about Mirena? It makes your period pretty much go away, and it's just as good as sterilization, only you can change your mind.
Angie--I have to say that while I always wanted to have more than 2, once I got pg with Sarah, I KNEW there was no way I could. When your ob is telling you that you are in a life-threatening situation and that you wouldn't survive another pregnancy, you KNOW it's time to quit. It actually was such a blessing in hindsight. I know that I would have wanted a 3rd child. I know that Joe did not. I also know that it would have caused marital strife. I firmly believe that God works all good for those who follow Him. I am secure in His plan for our family and feel so blessed.
If I could tell you anything, it is that even if you have a tiny shred of a doubt, do not do anything permanent. There are other forms of birth control that are reversible. Give yourself some time. Pray about it. You will get an answer.
Lisa
PS--I went under "anonymous" with this because for the life of me, I can't remember my google/blogger password!!!!
Angie, all my life I told myself I only wanted two kids. Dh was happy with 2 or 3. We got the two in the order he wanted (boy then girl) and we decided we were done. I did not want to go through PPD again (it was really bad the second time around in comparison to the first, which went undiagnosed). Besides, with what it took for us to pg the 2nd time, and the track record of pg for me, I didn't want to get pregnant 2 more times in order to get #3. When DD was a year, he took the step. After all, it's minor surgery for him, major for me. We have our two and we're happy. We feel complete. I guess that's how to best describe it. If you feel the family is complete, then I would say you are probably done. Since my first was/is such a handful, I truly don't think I could handle #3 and why bring a child into that? No thank you. I'll adopt or foster if I truly want a third. Assuming Dh is willing of course. LOL
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